16 Stupid Ideas
by Alatus
Summary: Yuuri's had 16 stupid ideas in one day. Now Conrad's furious with him. What else can go wrong? One Shot. ConYuu.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Kyou Kara Maou.

Special Thanks to Nami schwan for betaing this!

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He'd done it with this last escapade. He'd absolutely and royally screwed up this time and it'd been entirely his own fault. Sadly that wasn't the real kicker in all this. No, the real low blow that came from the whole mess was the fact Conrad was furious at him, not mad, not angry but full blown _furious_.

Yuuri knew full well he deserved it. He had been such a complete and utter idiot, but still… it was Conrad. The soldier had never been angry with him before, not even mildly so. Conrad had always been level headed, nigh unflappable.

He hadn't even batted a lash when his left arm was cut clean off! Yuuri had been absolutely horrified when that happened, Conrad, on the other hand, had easily turned to him, offering a smile as he promised not to die in a voice that was far too calm for the situation. He'd even gone as far as to hide how much pain he'd been in!

**Stupid Idea #1: Explore outdoor perimeter of the castle and get a feel of the layout.**

Needless to say, it had been a stupid idea that had started it all, something, according to Wolfram, that he was quite good at doing. Stupid plans, ideas or suggestions -- they all seemed to congregate into his mind, making him think there had to be a long waiting list by now.

Shin Makoku's great and all mighty powerful Maou's fatal flaw: completely mind numbingly dim-witted ideas, and it just so happened that today everyone was busy, leaving Yuuri to his own devices and susceptible to a string of foolish whims that pounced on him the moment everyone's back was turned.

**Stupid Idea #2: Look for any secret passages, hidden rooms, or entrances located in the gardens that could lead someplace new.**

He'd been so completely and utterly bored that day. Wolfram was gone for the week on patrol of the northern border, Greta was currently having her lesson with Gunter (Yuuri's own having taken up the _entire_ morning). Gwendal was doing paper work with a scary look on his face (which had Yuuri fleeing the office after only taking one step into the room), while Anissina was plotting something quite diabolical (if the maniacal cackling was anything to go by), and Conrad sadly was currently training some soldier recruits and would be at it the rest of the day, leaving Yuuri

achingly bored and restless as he explored the ramparts of Blood Pledge.

**Stupid Idea #3: Prepare a proper disguise and make sure it's firmly in place.**

It had been such a beautiful sunny day to start out with, one that had beckoned him to go outside and do something active. Of course there was only so much he could do by himself that fit those two categories.

**Stupid Idea #4: By-pass guards without being seen or recognized.**

What with everyone so busy, aimlessly wandering seemed like the best way to waste time. Of course that idea completely fled his mind as soon as he spotted the group of kids outside the castle from the battlements.

**Stupid Idea #5: Escape the castle.**

What an adventure it had been! Slipping by the guards and out the gate, into the fresh air and warm summer breeze. He'd felt quite accomplished with his stealth, sneaking around like a ninja. He'd always liked the idea of ninjas – deadly, silent and able to come and go like shadows.

He'd even whipped together a disguise, all though unlike a ninja who wore all black, his aim had been to get rid of it. Contacts in, hair dyed and incognito traveling clothes on, he was completely ready, or so he'd thought at the time.

**Stupid Idea #6: Join the baseball game currently going on.**

What could he say? He was an absolute baseball nut and what hadn't helped was he'd seen, from the castle wall, was a game starting up in the diamond that had been recently completed. He hadn't really thought about what he was doing at the time, and definitely put no thought of it after he'd joined the game.

He'd enjoyed it thoroughly, playing a game he absolutely loved with those who were around the same age- well he should say who _looked_ the same age as him truthfully. He was then utterly disappointed when the storm rolled in, blotting out the sun and breaking the game up.

**Stupid Idea #7: Get back inside before it rains.**

That plan, sadly, was a complete and utter failure on both accounts. He hadn't realized at the time, the chain reaction of events he'd already set off and how unlucky he was going to be.

As he dashed back towards Blood Pledge Castle, the heavens opened, drenching him to the bone in moments, and bringing about a second problem of turning the dirt path he'd been following to a muddy swamp, which slowed his progress to a crawl. The third and fourth problem didn't even register with the young Maou until the fifth problem came along and literally grabbed him.

The third problem, Yuuri would later realize, was the surprisingly cold rain shower that started had created a thick fog that completely hid Blood Pledge Castle from sight. While the fourth problem had come in the form of the type of hair dye he'd used, which was easily washed away by water (the rain had done just that), revealing his true hair color.

The fifth problem that had introduced itself by grabbing hold of his shoulder, had proceeded to knock him clean out and made off with him without any fuss. He'd been kidnapped and it was utterly humiliating how easy he'd made it for his assailants.

**Stupid Idea #8: Stay calm, don't panic, and don't do anything to make them more suspicious. **

When he came to again, he'd found himself bound, gagged and hidden in the very back of a covered cart, almost completely enveloped by furs.

Behind him, his wrists were bound tightly together, more or less cutting off the blood flow to his hands. With fumbling fingers, he'd felt around, discovering that as an extra precaution his kidnappers had also tied his hands to an iron ring that was nailed to the wall of the cart.

It was then he began to realize exactly _how _thorough his kidnapping had been.

He could just hear the murmur of two voices chatting animatedly over the pouring rain, congratulating each other over his capture. The cart bumped and rattled as they traveled along, and it took everything Yuuri had not to go into a full blown panic as the full implications of the situation hit home.

He'd been kidnapped by heaven knows who, being taken heaven knows where, by people who clearly didn't like him. On top of all this, nobody from Blood Pledge Castle would even realize he was gone until dinner time, allthanks to his stupid ninja stealth. Yes things looked absolutely dire. But NO, this was _not_ a good time to panic.

**Stupid Idea #9: Find a way to get hands free and absolutely under no circumstances give up.**

He'd started by simply pulling at the ring, rotating what little he could of his hands, trying to break free. It didn't do any good though. The rope around his wrists was expertly tied, and what his fingers could tell of him of the rough metal ring was that there was no obvious way to undo it.

How long he was at trying to free himself, he never was able to tell. His next vivid memory was that of the cart coming to a stop, and the two people in the drivers seat getting up and moving away.

He'd strained his ears, trying to hear what they were saying. Only to be startled, several minutes later, when the cover over the cart was suddenly yanked violently away, allowing cold rain to strike his face. The gag was pulled away from his mouth followed by a click of the iron ring opening. He was then roughly hauled out of the cart and placed feet first on the muddy ground.

A third man had joined the group, tall and burly, with a gleam in his eyes that made Yuuri swallow hard. That man was a seasoned killer, that much he could tell and all truth it was enough to scare Yuuri to the bone. A bag of money passed hands to the two who'd kidnapped him, where upon they quickly went on their way again, cart rattling loudly as it disappeared into the fog. That left Yuuri standing with his hands bound behind his back, on the edge of the woods alone with the burly man.

A knife had been produced from somewhere and pointed at him, the man giving him the simple instruction of heading towards the woods. Yuuri easily complied, wishing silently all the way that he hadn't gone outside that day, him and his absolutely idiotic ideas.

**Stupid Idea #10: When the opportunity presents itself, run for it.**

The forest had been very foggy and with the pouring rain, visibility was limited especially with the light starting to vanish from the sky. Regardless of the fact that he didn't know where he was, or the surrounding terrain, he knew quite well that he was quick on his feet, even if his hands were tied behind his back.

However before he could make a break for it, a very well aimed knife whistled past his ear, embedding itself in a near by tree. Yuuri had frozen, looking back at the burly man who simply tsked at him, another identical knife in his hands. Needless to say, Yuuri didn't think about trying that one again.

The teen remained quiet the entire time after that, marching through the trees with the burly man behind him, taking them deeper and farther into the woods. The sun had finally fled the sky and with it, no doubt came the realization back at Blood Pledge Castle that their young Maou was gone as well. He wished them all the luck in finding him. After all, his kidnappers had a day's head start on them.

The burly man had finally called a halt much later on, to the exhausted Maou's relief. He collapsed at the base of a tree, merely nodding his head when the burly man stated he was not to move from there. It wasn't all that comfortable a spot, Yuuri discovered only moments after sitting down. There were roots digging into his backside and rainwater trickled constantly down his neck no matter where he shifted.

He was going to have a cold by the end of this, he just knew it.

He'd quietly watched as the burly man moved around, starting a small fire that crackled and hissed on the wet wood, but surprisingly didn't go out. They were both soaking wet, the only difference was Yuuri wasn't wearing any rain gear, nor did it seem like he was going to be provided any. The teen grimaced, wanting to shuffle closer to the fire but one fierce look from the burly man, and he stayed in place.

A cold might be the best case scenario, Yuuri thought grimly, awkwardly pressing his arms tightly against his back for warmth, while trying not to dig the wet rope further into his wrists. It was also probably a bad sign that his captor didn't seem to care that he was going to get pneumonia.

It was at that particular moment his stomach decided it was a perfect time to remind him of how very hungry he was.

The burly man looked at him sharply, making Yuuri laugh nervously. "I haven't eaten since lunch," he explained, to which the man had merely grunted before turning back to whatever he was doing beside the fire. Yuuri couldn't actually see what the other was up to and when he tried to get a better view, he'd ended up with a knife imbedded all the way to the hilt, less then an inch from his face in the tree behind him. He didn't move again after that.

**Stupid Idea #11: Devour food given by captor without checking if anything has been added to it.**

Yuuri got an ear full for that one afterwards. He'd just been lucky it wasn't anything harmful and all it was intended for was to keep him from trying to go anywhere during the night.

He probably would have been out of it for the entire night if the burly man hadn't at some point, roughly pulled him to his feet. He was given a violent to shake, which sadly didn't clear his head at all, before quickly dragging him off into the woods, leaving their camp behind.

It took a while for Yuuri's brain to catch up with him again, and even then it felt like a pile of cotton. The man had a vice grip on his upper arm, hauling him along through the trees, while the shouts of pursuers steadily followed behind them.

"Yuuri!" That one call was like music to his ears, like a beacon of hope, like a glass of water to someone who'd been stranded in the desert, or a fine class meal-

His captor yanked him forward, trying to get him to move faster.

**Stupid Idea #12: Calling out for help when captor is only an arm's length away.**

"Conrad!" Yuuri bellowed desperately in response to the soldier's call. He gotten a punch in the face for that, but the damage had been done and the soldier was homing right in on them.

His mind was still spinning after the blow and couldn't keep up with what happened next. When he finally did get a grasp of reality again, he'd found himself pressed up against the burly man's chest with a hand over his mouth and one of the man's knives biting ever so slightly into his neck.

"Any move and I'll slit your precious Maou's throat!"

Conrad was standing opposite them, sword held tightly in his hand and a very un-Conrad-like expression on his face. Yuuri's heart pounded wildly with fear, but fear of what he wasn't sure. Yes, he was scared about the knife pressed up against his skin, but the positively murderous expression on Conrad's face was absolutely terrifying.

"Give up, you're not getting away," Conrad told the burly man harshly, a tone Yuuri had a very difficult time connecting with the soldier he'd come to know. "You're completely surrounded."

The burly man had merely sneered, pulling Yuuri closer. "You're the one at the disadvantage here!" the man snapped back, pressing the knife ruthlessly against Yuuri's throat, electing a high pitched squeak of pain from the teen. Yuuri tried to struggle away, only to have the blade pressed even harder against his skin. "Stay still or I'll kill you," the burly man growled at him. Yuuri had immediately fallen still, body trembling as he felt his own blood trickle down his skin.

One glance at Conrad and Yuuri knew that if the soldier had been able to use maryoku the ruffian would have been dead three times over minimum. As it was, it was clearly taking everything Conrad had not to fly into a blind rage right there and then.

"Don't you dare hurt him," hissed Conrad, face livid.

"What are you going to do about it?" the other taunted back.

"Do, and I swear to you right now that you're not walking out of here alive."

The burly man seemed unaffected by that threat, and had even smirked nastily in return. "Is that a fact now? You must really care about him, don't you?" He began playfully running the blade back and forth across Yuuri's throat. "Try anything funny and my hand might just slip. Give me a horse out of here and I might just think about letting this brat live. I _will_ kill him if you try anything stupid, prince charming." Too bad that had been directed at Conrad.

**Stupid Idea #13: When struck with an idiotically stupid plan, act upon it immediately without thinking.**

What could he say? He was the king of stupid ideas, Wolfram was constantly telling him that. Things had looked bad from where he'd been standing and it wasn't like Conrad could do anything to resolve the situation, so Yuuri took matter's into his own hands, even if they were still tied behind his back.

Of course, to his defense, he'd also not been sound of mind at the time either.

Without warning, he'd bitten viciously down on the man's hand covering his mouth, while simultaneously slamming his shoe down on the man's foot, making a point of digging his heel in extra hard.

The hoodlum must have had a low pain tolerance, that or he hadn't been expecting his mostly-out-of-it-hostage to suddenly attack him. The results were more or less good though, because he loosened his grip enough to allow Yuuri to dash away.

But it was just as he slipped out of the man's hands, did the backfire that comes with all stupid ideas kick in. When the burly man realized Yuuri was breaking free, he'd reacted by trying to slit the teen's throat. It was shear luck that the blade missed Yuuri's neck, he did not however escape unscathed. The knife had instead caught him just above the collarbone, where his momentum had then dragged it over his shoulder and out his back.

Everything was too fast and quick after that, and the pain far too searing for him to comprehend anything else. He'd cried out for Conrad and thinking about it later, it was probably the only thing that had saved the kidnapper from being killed on the spot by the knight.

**Stupid Idea #14: Calm Conrad down.**

Who knew something as simple as that could be a stupid idea? It had seemed easy enough at the time, something his mostly not functioning brain could do. Conrad had done it, and one time the soldier's arm had just been loppedoff and all Yuuri had was a scratch across his shoulder. Okay, maybe more then a scratch, but that wasn't the point here.

There was dizzying swirl of activity around him, none of which Yuuri could follow. It had taken him ages to even realize that the buzzing he was hearing were shouts for a medic, and even then the words were muffled like he had a large bag of cotton stuffed in both his ears.

His head was spinning worse then ever and just as he thought about letting himself pass out, Conrad was suddenly leaning over him. The soldier had looked anxious and… something else…

Yuuri muddled brain couldn't place the second emotion. It wasn't one of Conrad's usual expressions, nor was it anger. Currently too tired to think, he filed it away to ponder about later. The anxiousness he could read, so he thought he'd return the favor and calm Conrad down.

He'd given the best smile he could, greeting somewhat cheerfully, "Hi!" He should have known the easiest of stupid ideas were always the ones doomed to fail dramatically and this one definitely took the cake.

As soon as that one little word passed his lips, the fury he'd seen earlier directed at the burly man was suddenly back and aimed full force at him. Conrad didn't speak a word, but that one look was enough. Yuuri couldn't tear his gaze away, his blood seeming to freeze in his veins.

Anything else he thought of saying died in his throat, as he lay there dumbly, unable to believe what he was seeing. Conrad was furious at him. Until that moment, Yuuri'd never known how much that one expression could hurt, or how much more damage it could have than words.

It was an utter relief when darkness finally crept into his vision, allowing him to escape Conrad's piercing gaze.

He'd done it this time. He'd absolutely and royally screwed up this time and it was entirely his own fault. Too bad it wasn't the real kicker in all this, he would have liked it so much better then the low blow that came with the fact Conrad was furious at him, not mad, not angry but full blown furious. It wasn't the soldier's fault though, no, he'd been the one who acted like a complete and utter idiot, and he realized that.

But…

It still hurt, and Yuuri _refused_ to let Conrad see him cry.

**Stupid Idea #15: Avoid **_**him**_** at all costs.**

They'd barely arrived back at Blood Pledge Castle and already Yuuri had implemented his plan. Well, in all truth, he'd been avoiding Conrad even when they were heading back after he'd woken up. It seemed that Conrad was also avoiding him, which resulted in Yuuri riding with Dorcas instead. The teen had refused to even look in the same direction that the half- mazoku was in for the entire return trip.

Now that they were at Blood Pledge Castle, Yuuri had the entire castle to hide in rather then the search party that they'd been traveling in.

As soon as he was helped down from the horse, Gisela had grabbed hold of him, giving him the perfect excuse to get away from Conrad, along with Gunter who came hurtling out of the castle, wailing at the top of his lungs only to get louder when he actually caught sight of Yuuri.

After Gisela's checkup, and a more or less clean bill of health, other then his shoulder, bruises and a cold, she was willing to let him go. Though she had threatened him to take it easy for the next few weeks and made it very clear that he was not to take off the sling his arm was in. She'd then gone on to say that she was going to be dropping by every day or so to check up on him and make sure he was following her orders.

He'd laughed nervously at that, promising repeatedly that he would follow her instructions, before discreetly slipping out of the infirmary, and basically looked for a place to hide out until everything blew over. Too bad the library was the first place Conrad looked for him.

The soldier had caught him in the back, behind a very large and very old shelf of books, leaving Yuuri no place to escape. So the young Maou had retreated to a place beside the window, staring absently out into the stormy weather, back firmly set towards the other. The soldier had stood facing him, hoping he'd break the silence first, but Yuuri absolutely refused to do so.

So it fell to Conrad to begin a conversation. "A message has been sent to Wolfram about what happened," he told the young Maou. "He'll be back here the day after tomorrow."

"Okay," answered Yuuri simply, trying to pretend he wasn't bothered by the ridiculously awkward silence that came afterwards, or the fact a pin dropping could have been heard. Nope, didn't bother him at all, too bad he was such a lousy liar too.

"Your majesty…" Conrad's voice was quiet, but still he wouldn't face the soldier. "I need to apologize about what happened… in the woods. I was completely out of line-"

"You have every right to be mad, Conrad," interrupted Yuuri voice barely remaining steady. His free hand curled into a fist from where it was resting on the windowsill. He only hoped it wasn't obvious he was shaking. "It was my own idiotic ideas that got me kidnapped to begin with. I really…" he trailed off, sighing heavily. "I'm an idiot, that's all there is to it."

"That isn't true, your majesty." The vehemence in Conrad's voice startled Yuuri as much as when the soldier stepped up beside him, gently placing his hand over Yuuri's free one. The knight's hold was loose, leaving it that Yuuri could have escape if he wanted to. But the thought never crossed his mind. Despite what had happened, he wasn't scared of Conrad.

"I _never_ meant to upset you. I was…" the knight hesitated, "…terrified."

Yuuri blinked with surprise, mouth agape. The memory of Conrad leaning over him came back to the teen's mind, and suddenly that second expression he hadn't been able to recognize was absolutely clear. Terror, it had been complete all-encompassing terror on Conrad's face.

Yuuri looked up at the soldier, trying to find his voice, only to have his brain at that moment more or less shut down. Had he… had he really scared Conrad that bad?!

The question must have been visible on his face because Conrad answered with a nod, hand tightening ever so slightly around the teen's. "You did, Yuuri," the soldier replied softly. The rain began to lighten from its torrential downpour to a light drizzle. It pattered slightly against the window but neither of the two half-mazoku noticed. "That knife came far too close. I thought you-" Conrad looked away, his hand trembling, "when you pulled that stunt- and then acting like it was nothing! I…it was just too much."

Yuuri shifted his hand so he could tightly grasp Conrad's hand with his own. "I'm sorry," whispered Yuuri. "I really wasn't thinking straight at the time." He fell silent, studying Conrad's morose look. "If my brain had been working better, I'd probably would have come up with an even stupider idea." He laughed slightly at his horrible attempt at a joke. He glanced sidelong at Conrad and was relieved see the soldier's lips twitch into a smile. "Seriously though, I promise next time I won't sneak out of the castle by myself." _I'll take you with me_, he added silently.

Conrad nodded, "Good. It's been a while since I've been part of a baseball game truthfully."

Yuuri spluttered, face turning tomato red. "Wha-! H-how did you know that!" No fair that Conrad could read his mind!

The soldier burst out laughing, making Yuuri, if possible, blush more. "I'm sorry, your majesty," Conrad apologized, the mirth still sparkling brightly in his eyes. "But you see, despite what you might think, you're very hard to miss when you're trying to sneak around, especially when there's baseball involved."

"Oh," squeaked Yuuri, strangely disappointed that Conrad hadn't read his mind. "So much for ninja stealth. Good thing too right?"

"Yes," agreed Conrad, expression stern.

"You will come with me to the next game though, right?" Yuuri asked hopefully.

Conrad just smiled in response. "I'd love to."

Yuuri wasn't exactly sure what came over him when Conrad said that. Their hands were still tightly clasped together, and their eyes locked on the others, and combination of those two were just enough to overload the rest of his poor brain. That was the only explanation Yuuri had for what happened next.

**Stupid Idea #16: Kiss Conrad.**

Seconds later a Maou shaped high speed streak went zooming out of the library, red faced and an absolutely goofy grin plastered across his features. It hadn't backfired, and from Conrad's reaction, that had to be the best stupid idea he'd ever had.

THE END

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I guess the idea for this one shot came from my own annoyance at how hard I found it to write Conrad angry. So I challenged myself to write a one shot where he gets angry, and made it doubly hard by having it Yuuri was the one he was mad at.

It wasn't looking to good with the earlier drafts (I can't believe how out of character I managed to get him) but I think I'm quite pleased with the final product, which you read above.

I think this is also one of the few times that I didn't have a plan for where the story was going, which was interesting for me since I didn't know what situation Yuuri had gotten himself into, and also I think weakened the ending a little.

But anyway, I hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading!


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